♣ Whatever Happened To Bowing Out Gracefully? ♣
“You can’t legislate intelligence and common sense into people”
— Will Rogers
DETROIT — Imagine, if you will, that you were the head coach of a basketball team. You had this unknown point guard suddenly show up on the scene. You signed the kid the day before a big game and you toss him into the lineup when you find your team in a 23-point hole in the 3rd quarter. You figure you have nothing to lose. This PG, gets on the floor with a basic grasp of the offense and runs the plays you feed him to perfection. He’s hitting teammates at the right spots. He’s running the pick-and-roll to perfection. He even made a killer 18-foot jumper off of an iso. Next thing you know, you’ve trimmed the lead to six points with that guard on the floor. Just as it seems like you are ready to make that push in the 4th to try to win the game, that damn point guard decides he’s gonna start running his own plays and goes into business for himself. He’s no longer running the offense through the post. He’s jacking up 28-foot jumpers with 14 seconds left on the shot clock. He’s leaving his man on defense. He’s trying to drive on three guys and gets his shot tossed. Next thing you know, that lead has ballooned to 28. Game over. You Lose the game…and your job. Ladies and gentlemen, this particular point guard’s jersey number was 2. The name on the back: Palin. Let’s get down to business.
The funniest thing about that analogy is that Sarah Palin was a Point Guard in high school. Could you imagine being the power forward on THAT team!? The fact that I am even still talking about this simple woman in 2010 is unnerving. I just need to know why do we still care about what this woman has to say about anything? Seriously. I have never heard of a person who lost as a Vice-Presidential candidate (by such a wide margin) continuing to be relevant more than a month after the election, let alone a year and a half later. If John McCain, you know the guy who actually was running for President, is the proverbial QB of the Super Bowl Loser, then Sarah Palin was the backup QB.
We all know the story of Sarah P., the mercurial former governor of Alaska who shot onto the scene like a bottle rocket in September 2008 when she was announced as Sen. John McCain’s running mate, much to the surprise of, well, everyone. Initially she was the huge shot in the arm to the McCain campaign, until she started talking without a script and teleprompter. From her rather off-kilter response to Charles Gibson’s basic question about her obvious lack of foreign policy experience where she sited Alaska’s proximity to Russia as proof of her experience. To the mind-blowingly incredible series of train wreck interviews with Katie Couric where she once again sited Russia being in her “backyard”, to her inability to answer the question of what Newspapers she reads (she couldn’t even name hometown paper in Juneau, AK), to her blatant pandering and borderline flirting during the VP debate when she even refused to answer one of the debate questions. Suddenly, that shot in the arm had become a shotgun blast to the face.
In the aftermath of the election, which was the fourth-largest modern electoral beat down in American history, Palin became a punchline, scapegoat, and Great White Hope to the Republican Party. They were already touting this woman as a potential 2012 Presidential candidate. This was under the notion that she would finish her term as Alaska Governor (which ends this year), get re-elected and build a portfolio. But here I go interjecting common sense into the argument. Palin, under investigation for numerous types of funny business as governor, shockingly resigned with no real rhyme or reason in June of last year. For those scoring at home, she quit midway through her FIRST term as governor. Immediately, the talking head morons actually started suggesting that she did this to prepare for a Presidential run. WTF!? How does that work? You can’t finish a full term as governor of the frozen version of Arkansas, yet I’m supposed to believe this woman can handle running the whole damned country!? The Hell You Say!
In the midst of Sarah Palin quitting, because that’s what she did, she somehow managed to become a bigger cult hero to these simpletons in middle America who see her as some kind of champion. To listen to the way this backwoods hillbilly talks, it becomes blatantly apparent what kind of crowd she’s pandering to: The Anti-Intellectuals. As difficult as it may be at times, just listen to what she says in most of her classless cheap shots against President Obama. When she’s not making latent racist and bigoted remarks about his heritage, or crass and condescending (a word that is likely too elitist for her to use) generalizations about the 60+ Million people who voted for him, she speaks with the tone of a C- student who is ready to lead a revolt against the eggheads and nerds who make her look like the ignoramus she is, or as she and other Republicans of her ilk like to call us, “Elitists”. She speaks in rather snobby, dare I say Elitist, tones about Obama’s educational background and often refers to his speeches as “lectures”. I guess that what she calls it when people smarter than her are talking about stuff.
The only thing worse than the fact that people are crazy enough to pay this chick to come speak at their events is that so many people actually take what she has to say seriously. This is a woman who has never actually done anything of substance as the chief executive of anything. She has the personality of a brick of Cocaine. She’s as phony as $3 bill and dumb as a bag of cheap weave. This is a woman who thinks the way to get the country to support you is to go to war with Iran. Right, because you always wanna pick a fight with a country that doesn’t like you for no reason. And I forgot to mention that country has these things called Chemical Weapons & Nuclear Bombs and they’re itching to use those boys on some American Soldiers. Great tactical strategy. Why not jump into a Tiger cage and start poking it with a sharp stick while you’re at it! Simple Bastard!
She is, in essence, the Lil Wayne of politics. Everything she says is essentially the same. Most of her initial popularity came from word of mouth and suddenly being dropped on the scene. She spends much of her time self-congratulating and acting as if she’s the truth with no tangible evidence that she as a clue of WTF she’s doing. Every bit of evidence we have of what she has actually done, much like all of Wayne’s albums prior to Carter III, has shown that she comes up small when it matters. She great with the one-liners and cheap shots, but much like Mike Tyson, the longer that fight goes, the more trouble she’s in.
Her hypocrisy is headache-inducing. She angrily demands that White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emmanuel be fired because he used the term “Fucking Retards.” She took umbrage at his usage of the word “Retards” (judging from her numerous kids, she apparently has no issue with the word “fucking”). Her defense is that it was offensive because she has a child with Down Syndrome and it was offensive to all kids with special needs. Low key, she was essentially calling her kid a retard. Yet, two days later, when radio ghoul Rush Limbaugh used the term “Retard” multiple times, she not only refused to call for his firing, she defended it. To paraphrase Eminem in 8 Mile: Sarah, your child has Down Syndrome. You’re The Retard! Then she gets up as the keynote speaker of the first national Tea Party Convention last weekend (speaking of a bunch of “fucking retards”) and drops this gem about why President Obama is not the right man for the job. :
“We need a commander-in-chief, not a law professor.”
Get it, the implication being that obviously he’s too Smart to be tough. She thought she was so clever criticizing the President for reading from a teleprompter (as if ad-libbing The State of the Union is a good idea), yet at the same time, this simple heifer had crib notes scribbled on her left hand like a 9th grader cheating on a math test! That’s the school (and I use that term loosely) Palin and her ilk come from. If your vocabulary is equivalent to that of your average 10th grader or higher, you are obviously not a real American, an elitist, or weak. But what can we expect from a woman who pals around with Tea Party Terrorists. The Tea Party “Patriots” are a much friendlier version of the Ku Klux Klan. The only difference is they don’t burn crosses and wear hoods. Hell, when I see former Colorado Congressman Tom Tancredo saying such enlightened things (to subsequent standing ovations) as “People who could not even spell the word ‘vote’ or say it in English put a committed socialist ideologue in the White House,” and lest I forget that he feels that President Obama was elected because “we do not have a civics, literacy test before people can vote.” What exactly am I supposed to think you people are?
For those of you who weren’t paying attention when they would teach that lesson on Jim Crow laws during Black History Month, Literacy tests were used in the South to keep black people and poor whites from voting. I’m not calling Tom Tancredo (and the hundreds of Tea Klux Klansters who gave him a standing ovation) a racist, but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, that MFer is Racist! These are the morons that Palin runs with. She got paid $100,000 ($350 per person) to speak to those people. For the right price, she’ll come speak at your convention too. Sarah Palin’s nothing more than a pub whore who got a taste of the limelight (or to quote Ruf Jones, the Sprite-light) in 2008 and couldn’t let it go. She quit on the people of Alaska to go chase cash with her book, make money speaking at Klan Rallies, errr, political conventions, and to be to Fox News what Matt Millen is to ESPN. Yet the major news outlets continue to cover this simple bitch like she’s anything other than a brainless motivational speaker. I can understand Fox News covering her, I mean, they do cut her a paycheck. But, dammit, do CNN, C-SPAN, MSNBC and the Associated Press have to dedicate whole blocks of time or print to this woman! The more you acknowledge her, the more these simpletons, who don’t pay attention to details like I do, will actually take her seriously. This is much like when people began to take Lil Wayne seriously in 2004 when he and his PR staff started running around proclaiming him the “Best Rapper Alive”, and you MFers started believing him in spite of no evidence to back that claim up.
In closing, Sarah Palin is a sad example of the American dream. She has made herself into a viable brand name, in spite of her probably not even knowing what that means. But when will we as a society wake up. I get it Republicans and Tea Party Skinheads, you hate Barack Obama. The fact that this man is President makes you sick to your stomach. The fact that he won that election fair and square (Get over it, Birthers) make you wanna tear out your hair at the roots. But I hope you’re bringing more to the table in 2012 than Sarah Palin. Seriously. I just wish this woman would go back to Alaska and sit her simple ass down on a block of ice. And this country as a whole needs to shake the cultural ADD that we have and actually start to pay better attention to the people we prop up as leaders and stop giving the mic and soapbox to any asshole who has an opinion and held elected office for 15 minutes. That’s Wishful Thinking I know, but a brother can dream can’t he?
Until Next Time, That’s The Way It Is. Thursday, February 11, 2010.
The 82nd day since the Detroit Lions’ Last Victory
Take Care, God Bless, Always Dare to Be Different, and G.O.M.A.B. Σ